When was the last time you said, “It’s a sign”? Maybe it was after missing out on a job you wanted — “It’s a sign I should be writing my novel instead.” Or following a relationship that fizzled — “It’s a sign they weren’t The One.” Even a disastrously soggy birthday cake can prompt, “It’s a sign I’m a terrible baker.” Sometimes it’s said with a wink, like spotting the last dress on sale and thinking, “It’s a sign I’m meant to have it.”
These three little words have a comforting ring to them. Like the well-worn sayings our grandparents pass down — “What’s for you won’t go past you” or “Everything happens for a reason” — they offer a dose of optimism amid life’s disappointments. But while leaning on signs might soothe in the moment, could it also be holding us back from truly moving forward?
Why We Reach for Signs
“When we frame setbacks as ‘signs’, we’re often trying to make sense of something that hurts,” explains Taz Thornton, a business and empowerment coach. It’s a natural coping mechanism. Believing a disappointment fits into a bigger plan helps soften the sting. It creates a comforting illusion of control when life feels chaotic and unfair — which is how many have felt in the turbulent start to 2025.
Between political upheavals, soaring living costs, and a tough job market, it’s no surprise that only 60% of young people aged 13 to 27 feel in control of major parts of their lives, according to a recent Channel 4 report. When the world feels unstable, finding meaning in “signs” is one way to impose order and regain a sense of agency.
When Signs Become a Trap
But Taz warns that relying too much on signs can freeze us in place. “It stops us asking the hard questions — What could I have done differently? What can I learn? Where do I need to grow?” If we wait for life to tell us what to do, we risk slipping into learned helplessness, surrendering our power instead of taking responsibility.
Take that failed job interview. Sure, it might mean you’re better suited for a different path, but if you stop there, you miss crucial lessons. Could your interview skills use work? Did you research enough? Ignoring these questions might sabotage future chances.
Cai Graham, a child and family therapist, adds that interpreting failure as a sign you’re on the wrong path can also breed fear. It can make us hesitate to try again or push boundaries. While admitting failure is uncomfortable, it’s necessary to break old patterns and build resilience. “If we always externalize setbacks, we miss the chance to strengthen that skill,” she says.
Internal vs External Locus of Control
Psychologists call this tendency to attribute outcomes to outside forces an “external locus of control.” People who believe their actions directly shape their lives have an “internal locus of control.” Research shows that an internal locus is generally linked to greater happiness and health.
That said, belief in fate or chance isn’t inherently negative. A 2011 study found that widowed people who believed in fate or chance coped better with their loss than those who didn’t. So, especially in deeply painful or uncontrollable situations, seeing events as “signs” can help people heal emotionally.
The Key Is Balance
The trick is knowing when leaning on signs helps and when it hinders. Cai points out, “Using signs to soothe is human. Using them to avoid growth is limiting.” For example, seeing a badly baked cake as proof you’re a hopeless baker can shut down any attempt to improve. This mindset can chip away at confidence and block growth, not just in baking but in any area where failure scares us.
How to Shift from Signs to Growth
The first step, says Taz, is awareness. Instead of asking “What is this telling me?”, try “What is this teaching me?” This small change shifts you from passive acceptance to active learning.
Cai encourages sitting with discomfort instead of rushing to find external explanations. Processing emotions honestly helps you move forward. Then reframe failures as feedback: “What can I do differently next time?”
Building a growth mindset means seeing challenges as chances to learn, not as dead-ends. It means understanding skills improve with effort, and setbacks are part of progress. Don’t expect a straight path — celebrate the small wins along the way.
Can Horoscopes and Signs Coexist with Personal Growth?
Speaking of signs, astrology is a modern-day example of how many look to external forces for guidance. Popular with millennials and Gen Z, horoscopes offer fun insights but can also become self-fulfilling prophecies. Studies show people tend to notice predictions that confirm their beliefs and ignore those that don’t — which can limit personal growth.
Taz sums it up well: “Belief systems aren’t the problem; how we use them is. If they prompt reflection, great. If they’re an excuse to stay stuck, not so much.”
Take the Wheel of Your Own Life
We all want meaning in the chaos. No one’s saying you didn’t see the breakup coming because of a mysterious magpie or that fate isn’t real to you. But real empowerment comes from being the driver of your own story, not just a passenger waiting for signs.
As Taz puts it, “The magic isn’t in waiting for a sign — it’s trusting yourself enough to be the sign.”
So the next time life throws you a curveball, try this: Pause, breathe, and ask what you can learn. Then take action. That’s where true control — and growth — lives.
