Life’s big milestones—weddings, graduations, new jobs—are often celebrated as the shining moments when happiness and contentment naturally flood in. And sure, these major events do bring joy. But what about all those in-between moments, the seemingly small snippets of time that often slip by unnoticed? The quiet seconds that don’t make headlines or Facebook posts but still hold the power to uplift us? These are what psychotherapist Deb Dana calls glimmers—tiny flashes of joy that soothe us from within.
What Exactly Are Glimmers?
Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker and author, coined the term glimmers to describe micro-moments that deliver brief feelings of calm, safety, and inner peace. The word itself—meaning a faint or wavering light—suggests these moments are subtle, even fleeting. Yet, contrary to feeling rare or elusive, glimmers are all around us, waiting to be noticed.
Think of the joy you feel when your favorite song plays unexpectedly while you’re shopping, or the simple surprise of spotting a flower pushing up through a crack in the sidewalk. These seemingly trivial experiences might last just seconds, but they carry the potential to build a foundation of calm in our daily lives.
Why Glimmers Matter for Our Nervous System
At first glance, these small bursts of happiness may seem insignificant, but their role in calming the central nervous system is profound. Dana’s work draws on polyvagal theory, which explores how our nervous system influences our mental and emotional health. According to this theory, our nervous system cycles through three main states:
- The ventral state, where we feel safe, calm, and connected.
- The sympathetic state, responsible for fight-or-flight reactions.
- The dorsal state, linked to shutdown, collapse, or disconnection.
Glimmers arise in that ventral state—the place of regulation and safety. Experiencing them helps nudge our nervous system toward calm, easing stress and tension. As Dana explains, “Our nervous system is where all of our experience begins… and glimmers emerge from the nervous system state of ventral.”
The Lasting Impact of Glimmers
Trauma therapist Dr. Mariel Buquè highlights how glimmers not only bring immediate relief but can also retrain our nervous system over time. Since our brains are neuroplastic—meaning they can adapt and change—regularly experiencing glimmers can help develop neural pathways geared toward ease and rest. Simply put, these moments can help us become less reactive and more resilient.
Liz Kelly, a psychotherapist and author, points out that glimmers teach us something crucial: joy and pain can coexist. “We often think in all-or-nothing terms,” she says, “judging our whole day as good or bad based on a single event. But life is a mix of ups and downs. Looking for glimmers when we feel low helps us build resilience.”
Building a Habit of Noticing Joy
The magic of glimmers multiplies as you begin to notice more of them. Dana notes that these moments accumulate and expand our capacity to stay regulated and present. From that calm space, we can better support ourselves and others—a small glimmer leading to big changes in how we show up in the world.
But how do you start seeing these tiny sparks of joy? Dana explains that glimmers can be both predictable and surprising. While they can catch you off guard—like spotting a sand dollar on the beach or hearing an ice cream truck’s tune nearby—there are also places and activities where you can intentionally create space for them.
Plus, glimmers are deeply personal. What sparks joy for one person might not for another. For example, Dana might feel a glimmer when a dog sniffs her as it walks by or when she watches a toddler on a scooter. But if you aren’t a dog or kid person, your glimmers might come from a moment of silence in a park or witnessing a stranger’s kindness.
There’s no “right” way to experience glimmers. The key is to ask yourself: What small moments bring me a sense of peace or happiness?
If You’re Struggling to Spot Glimmers
Sometimes, it’s hard to see those fleeting lights, especially when life feels overwhelming. Dana reminds us that glimmers are everywhere—they might be the heart-shaped cloud overhead, a forgotten chalk drawing on the sidewalk, or the last cookie in the jar. The trick is to stay open, curious, and patient.
“If we can just be open to the experience of seeing one, finding one, feeling one—they will appear,” Dana says. “Your body is built with the capacity to find glimmers. It just is.”
Embracing the Small Joys
We naturally pay more attention to joy during milestone moments, but the smaller, quieter flashes of happiness deserve our attention too. By tuning in to glimmers, we invite more calm and contentment into everyday life, transforming ordinary moments into sources of strength.
So next time you feel swept up in life’s chaos, pause. Look around. What little glimmers can you find? You might be surprised by how much light they bring.
